Over the years, several Optimius Prime monologues have contributed to Michael Bay turning himself into a director that takes himself too seriously, thinking he’s saying something profound in something really stupid. Enter Ryan Reynolds, who has made a career out of playing self-aware characters. Reynolds, with a Netflix assist, helps Michael Bay reach his full insane potential in 6 Underground. After Netflix and chilling, it’s hard to deny Reynolds when he says this is the most Michael Bay movie of any Michael Bay movie ever made.
Ryan Reynolds plays One. No, literally. One is a billionaire tech savant who fakes his own death because he wants to live life with 100% freedom from everything. See why he wanted to be in this movie? One decides he wants to spend his money and freedom helping free the world from truly despicable people in power. After a crazy heist that revolves around driving through the Uffizi in Florence, something happens that requires One to add a new member to his team, Corey Hawkins’s Seven. Seven joins the trigger vicious Two (an awesome Melanie Laurent), movie quoting Three (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), parkouring Four (Ben Hardy), and eye candy Five (Adria Arjona, unfortunately stuck with the misogynist Bay part). The 6 “Ghosts” decide their next target is the vicious leader Rovach Alimov (Lior Raz) of a fictional “____Stan” country who bombs hospitals to keep his people in line.
Netflix is famous for giving carte blanche to its content creators. This means, 6 Underground is Michael Bay unchecked. That’s right. Armageddon. The Transformers movies. Bad Boys. Studios were checking Michael Bay. Not the case with 6 Underground. That however, means you’re getting a doubled down Michael Bay on everything he puts in his films. The good: there’s an action sequences every 20 minutes or so, and they are 100% insane. That Uffizi chase scene has cars flying everywhere, but because it’s unhinged Bay, bodies are also flying everywhere after they get hit. There’s building jumping in Hong Kong and a great use of infinity pools. If you’ve seen the trailer, the phrase “world’s biggest magnet” gets thrown around, in totally enthralling ways. Reynold’s presence is the new spin on the Bay movie, making the film more funny and cartoony. There’s running gags or wisecracking EVERYWHERE, like movie quote offs during a heist, or characters comparing themselves to Michelangelo’s David. 6 Underground is most interested in everyone enjoying themselves, to the point where it undercuts any stakes for the film just for laughs. I know this sounds like a negative, but matching cartoon action with cartoon characters makes much more sense and engenders less eye rolling. Bay has a way of tapping into everything a 12 year old boy wants out of a movie.
EVERY WAY a 12 year old boy wants a movie to be. A really dumb 12 year old boy. The characters names are probably how Michael Bay ranks their hotness I’m guessing? 1 through 7. 1 to 7 is also the amount of seconds of thought given to their characters: one trait each. The women in this movie are there to look good in dresses, or to have a male character make googley eyes at her, and the clothes come off. And because it’s unhinged Bay, these sex scenes are borderline male porn, with gratuitous shots of sexy women in underwear getting taken from behind. Melanie Laurent is Bay’s idea of a perfect woman: an assassin with a beautiful body and sexy accent that lives for carnal desires and zero emotional attachments. Laurent makes her look badass in 6 Underground, but you cringe if you think about it even for a minute. But the most unhinged and really disgusting is Bay’s idea of patriotism and heroism, which involves white people usually helping someone vaguely Middle Eastern make their country better, by way of the bullet, with an American flag proudly flying. Remember how I said the film MOSTLY is silly and cartoony? Well the last 20 minutes try to get deadly serious, and lead to montages that Bay thinks are profound but are pretty effing vile and 92% discriminatory. I don’t know where you learned what heroism is Michael Bay, but this isn’t it.
6 Underground is another example of a great Netflix film. The minute you hear the sound get crazy loud, maybe stop browsing your phone or cooking a meal and see what’s going on, because it’s gonna be crazy, cartoony, and pretty epic looking. Also, if you find yourself buying into some of the creepy themes of 6 Underground, I suggest you talk to someone, and maybe try to make friends with someone who looks differently than you. As One says in the movie, you only get one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted. Wait…