Before I even start, there will inevitably be SPOILERS. Batman v Superman (BvS) rides the coattails of comic book fans. DC Comics banks on millions of people to go see BvS simply because that would be really cool to see, so DC can replicate Marvel. However, DC forgot some key things, like character development, tonal consistency, and organic universe creation. I’m sorry DC, but I’d watch any Marvel movie, even the Thor ones, before this one.
We start BvS with the B, Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) experiencing Man of Steel’s Metropolis destruction from the ground. He becomes so terrified of Superman’s (Henry Cavill) powers that Wayne and Alfred (Jeremy Irons) start prepping for how to defeat the would-be god. Also, Lois Lane’s (Amy Adams) investigations lead her to LexCorp and its founder Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg), who has his own nefarious ideas for the Bat and the Cape. Oh yeah, Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) is here too, people!!! LIKE THIS MOVIE!!!!!
The first hour and a half (oh yeah, this movie is 2 and a half hours) of this movie sucks. Marvel did this right; they spent 4 years building characters that we learned a lot about before they even teamed up. By doing so, they used the character differences to drive the first half of the film. BvS has ZERO interest in character development, and only interest in putting a bunch of superheroes on screen. As such, they cram a bunch of information into half-baked plots around the globe and an INFURIATING amount of dream sequences (and I thought The Revenant was bad). They also throw Wonder Woman in for no reason other than her need in the third act and to tie her to a larger set of superheroes. The only redeeming idea is the beginning of the movie, with Batman in Metropolis watching a 9/11 like disaster. However, that scene is so disserviced by the next hour that it now feels more like using the greatest attack in US history to conjure and manipulate feelings in the audience, which is pretty reprehensible.
One more SPOILER warning. When we FINALLY get to Luthor’s orchestration of the match of the century, I will admit to it being at least a little cool looking. Lots of thought went into how the battle would go, giving upper hands to both superheroes, so I’ll give director Zack Snyder a little credit for that. However, DC reminds us they are supposed to end up working together, so I have to add a 3rd act monster to watch Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman look awesome, so he has to stop their squabble. The reason the BvS fight stops is so STUPID, that I laughed out of the theatre thinking about it. On top of that, the biggest cheers in the last battle is when Wonder Woman shows up. It’s pretty damning that in a movie called Batman versus Superman, Wonder Woman ends up leaving the best impression. Score one for the chicks, am I right Zack Snyder?
Chris Terrio and David Goyer were forced to write these superheroes as petulant, angsty teenagers so not all of this story’s shortcomings lie at the hands of the actors. That being said, Henry Cavill is a beautiful brick wall of an actor. He and Amy Adams robotically say their lines, but show less than zero interest in each other, perhaps because Adams is thinking about how she has to get rescued the entire film. Ben Affleck is….fine, I guess? Bruce Wayne is always a little sad, and other than the growl, he mostly comes off ok. Holly Hunter and Scoot McNairy are ok enough in their thrown in mandated vigilante debate subplot, but clearly are counting their money, just like Jeremy Irons. The two bright spots are Jesse Eisenberg and Gal Gadot. Eisenberg is playing basically a psychotic Zuckerberg on aderol; with no interest in nuance, his bonkers, unhinged attitude makes the needless bleak story at least more palatable. And Gal Gadot contains enough mystery and leading lady substance that I will commit to one Wonder Woman film.
BvS is corporate mandated fun times. It’s as if the DC Suits took a look at what Marvel is doing and said: “Ok, so all we need are a bunch of superheroes in a movie, a fight between them, and hints at other superheroes down the line. That’s easy enough to fool people.” Well, you idiots, you clearly underestimate the comic book crowd, because they will come at you for messing with their characters on every message board on the planet.