Great time to be a vampire. This is now the 3rd Nosferatu/Dracula adaptation in as many years. Such is the power of the tale; all 3 are completely different takes on the story. Robert Eggers went for historical horror; Radu Jude chose unhinged AI slop. And now Luc Besson comes in with his sad gothic romance take. We’re a year away from either Liam Neeson redoing Dracula Dead and Loving It, or a 4th Hotel Transylvania, to keep the Nosferatu gravy train rolling.
We open in 15th Century Romania, where Prince Vlad (Caleb Landry Jones) would be content to stay in his castle with his beautiful wife Elizabetta (Zoe Bleu) forever. But duty calls, and Vlad is sent by the Church to fight the incoming Muslims threatening to bring their “evil” thoughts to the country. Vlad is victorious, but not without consequences, as poor Elizabetta is ambushed and killed. Vlad goes crazy, and curses his Christian beliefs, sentencing him to an eternal life on Earth, in hopes Elizabetta might return. I’m guessing, 400 years later in Paris, there’s gonna be a woman named Mina who looks very similar to Vlad’s dead wife? Throw in Christoph Waltz vamping as Van Helsing, and we’re gonna be in on a weird Luc Besson ride.
This Dracula plants its flag on French and horny. The opening sequence is the best looking porno shoot, with Caleb Landry Jones and Zoe Bleu doing normal husband wife things then 10 seconds later ripping off each other’s clothes to hook up. That physical intoxication drives the movie, as Vlad searches far and wide for his wife’s reincarnation, using all the things he learns to have dozens of women basically coming every inch closer they get to him. The amount of eye f*cking in this movie is borderline hilarious; you almost want everyone to stop heaving in their tight outfits and just bang it out and get on with it. Jones anchors this thing pretty well; there’s a deep sorrow you feel for Vlad who just wants to be with his wife again. The best scene in the movie is when he goes on a first date with Mina at a French Circus, and all the psychosexual connection the two dance around each other while going through halls of mirrors or playing skeet shooting for prizes.
And that’s the general tone of this movie, a Besson specialty. The base is pure seriousness: no one’s winking here except Christoph Waltz, and even he’s not really. But against that morose backdrop as soldiers raid Vlad’s castle, tiny CGI gargoyles come to life and execute WWE moves to keep the military at bay. Watching that is as silly as it was writing it; I started to chuckle, inviting the rest of the audience to do the same. But then, next scene, Jones walks over a hill backdropped by a blood soaked red sky, one of the most beautiful shots I’ve seen so far in 2026, and I’m back in the serious movie. Only for Mina’s best friend Maria (Matilda De Angelis) in chains to hold our her tongue for far too long as if she’d wait for a c*mshot as long as there was a little blood in it. It’s why this Dracula is meant for Fifth Element status, having a small, but very strong fan base showing up for midnight showings across the globe.
One thing is certain from this Dracula though. I had a debate about Caleb Landry Jones vs. Christopher Abbott, about how they were on each other’s corners, but I though Abbott had the more sexual energy whereas Jones was meant to play dirty weirdos. After watching this film, I rescind my point; Landry Jones can be a dirty hottie too. Maybe he just works better in French.