Parthenope is the reason when a director says they’re making an “art film,” you throw up in your mouth a little bit. But, if you’re gonna be pretentious, might as well get an amazing vacation out of it. I would encourage everyone watching Parthenope to open their phone discreetly, and research where they shot this film, so you can plan what should be your next getaway, so you can enjoy paradise more than Paolo Sorrentino’s characters.
In Greek Mythology, Parthenope was one of the sirens born of the sea. In Sorrentino’s movie, Parthenope (Celeste Dalla Porta, in her first film role), is very much the same, literally. The movie follows this beautiful person throughout her life. Starting at 18, where her, her brother Raimondo (Daniele Rienzo) and local boy Sandrino (Dario Aita) go out on a vacation together, and Parthenope learns how far her physical gifts will push desirous men towards her, while her thoughts go towards her school major anthropology, and what her brilliant teacher Devoto Marotta (Silvio Orlando) and writer John Cheever (Gary Oldman) teach her about the subject.
Paolo Sorrentino is from Naples. I really liked his last film, the autobiographical ish Hand of God, filled with complex ideas of growing up and family dynamics. Since that one worked so well, he thought, let’s do another Napolitano story, but this time, about the hot women I clearly was in love with, hoping to look behind the looks and see what’s there (Celeste Dalla Porta is blameless here, as she tries her best with the self-important drivel she’s given). The end result, feels like pure male fantasy, as these “truths” Parthenope learns over the course of the movie lead her to infatuations with men (eg, probably himself) way out of her league, giving the impression that this is all her design. He clearly projects his own feelings about his hometown onto this girl, that feels like him justifying his own leering eyes because of their “emotional connection.” One layer removed from personal tales means this movie loses most of its emotional heft; instead of becoming heavier and more dynamic as Parthenope ages and learns, we just go on random mini adventures disguised as wisdom, but going nowhere and learning nothing, content to just look at this goddess standing right in front of us.
Without cinematographer Daria D’Antonio, Parthenope would be in the running for the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time. But D’Antonio single handedly prevents that from happening. Why? Well, as a female native of Naples herself, she knows the perfect ways to provide Sorrentino with the shots of Parthenope he wants: “to look impossibly beautiful.” I don’t think anyone has ever looked as otherworldly breathtaking as D’Antonio makes Celeste Dalla Porta look here. She’s usually seated or dancing in the most seductive way possible, in tiny perfect revealing bikinis or tops, ready to look on any man or woman that catches her gaze like a lightning bolt hits their body with pure unquenchable desire. Backdropping Dalla Porta’s allure is the equally alluring Capri and Naples backdrops. We’re either walking through beautiful, quiet ageless paved romantically lit streets, staring down at mountain islands surrounded by water with flowers all down the mountainside, or lighting up Naples with slow moving blue lights that take your breath away. If I were Sorrentino, I’d cut this movie down to just the first hour, right before the big “emotional” turn, transforming it into a silent intellectual porn, turning Parthenope into a walk through a museum, if all the paintings of naked people just started coming alive and being around you during your tour.
So, Celeste Dalla Porta, I hope the next time you sign up for a movie, as a stipulation in your contract, Daria D’Antonio has to be your cinematographer. This way, even if the movie’s not great, you’re gonna look as fantastic as you do in Parthenope, it could springboard your inevitable modeling career, and you’d be giving a female cinematographer a chance to show everyone how awesome she is. Win win win. For everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna hose myself off and go back Earth away from Italian goddesses for a little bit.