An extra D is accurate for Piranha 3DD. Yes, there are a lot more boobs than in this one. That also includes the clueless characters in this story. D is also an accurate grade for this film. What worked so well in Piranha 3D needs to be justified in 3DD, and it just doesn’t work as well. The jokes aren’t really that funny, and the cameo effectiveness is usually for just one sight gag and not well thought out (with a couple exceptions). Loosely held together by a boring story with meh characters, Piranha DD deflates as much as its A cup lead Maddy (Danielle Panabaker).
Across from Lake Victoria (the site of the first Piranha) the pack fish have found another entry to an adult water park run by Maddy’s dad Chet (David Koechner). Maddy is home from summer vacation hanging out with her pot smoking (Paul James Jordan), slutty (Meagan Tandy), virginal (Katrina Bowden), virginity-taking (Jean-Luc Bilodeau), past-lover (Chris Zylka), and new love prospect (Matt Bush) friends. She is trying to save her family’s water park and warn people about the fish, which shockingly fall on deaf ears. Deaths ensue, usually gory, some sexual, and the credits roll.
Anytime the plot brings up something that could be interesting, it reverts back to its trajectory. The chewed penis is brought back in the most elaborate inconceivable way possible. The love triangle between Maddy, the ex, and the prospect actually had both guys be alright at the beginning, but they set the ex up to be secretly a bad guy by the middle because you’re supposed to root for him (even though he can’t swim). By minute 10 I was counting down to the bloody end, and it would be fine if the end was really pulpy fun. Instead it tries to set up too elaborate sight gags with little payoff. Several characters meet their end, and Koechner’s is the only one kind of funny and shocking.
Piranha 3D had two of the best cameos in recent memory with Richard Dreyfus at the beginning and Jerry O’Connell as a Girls Gone Wild type. Offed in the first movie, they are replaced with Gary Busey (not great) and David Hasselhoff, the one bright spot, playing a bored version of himself who condescends to how stupid his own fans are. He gets most of the best lines, and was the only character I was rooting to not die. Christopher Lloyd reprises his character in the first with better lines and more fun. Paul Scheer and Ving Rhames are cute, but do not get enough screen time.
To spend more time talking about Piranha 3DD would mean that people would think I am recommending it. To earn your DD, just watch the first Piranha twice. The only saving grace of Piranha 3DD is that Piranha 3DDD needs to build their story around David Hasselhoff’s movie script he was writing throughout the movie. That will be amazing.