When you title your movie Secret Obsession, the bar is low. All you really have to be is fun, and kinda tense, and end in less than 2 hours. It is less than 2 hours, thank goodness. Yikes! The only reason Secret Obsession doesn’t get a 0 rating from me is that it’s mercifully short. This movie sucks. What a waste of time.
Poor Brenda Song, who deserves so much better. She plays Jessica, a woman who’s being accosted at a rest stop in the rain at the start of the movie, until she escapes by getting hit by a car. She wakes up in the hospital with her husband Russell (Mike Vogel) by her side. However, her memory is shot; she remembers nothing because of the trauma her body has gone through. Through the help of her doctor (Ashley Scott), she recovers, and is driven to her remote mountain home by Russell. However, detective Frank Page (Dennis Haysbert, slummin it for that Netflix money), sees some flaws in Jessica’s and Russel’s statements from the crash, and goes to investigate.
Early on, it’s clear there’s going to be no mystery here. Russell’s presence is instantly creepy, and basically inhuman so you know he’s up to no good. Not great, but fine. That means everyone should be hamming it up, and going WAY over the top. The less this material gets taken seriously, the more fun Secret Obsession could have become. Instead, everyone looks to be playing it too straight, except for Dennis Haysbert, who’s barely in the movie. Brenda Song exists to try to escape her prison, making lots of contrived dumb decisions making it easy for Russell to catch her. Russell’s the big problem here. With an obsession THAT extreme, Mike Vogel should have gotten more and more crazy with each passing scene, until the final act is a fit of sheer lunacy. Instead, the dude gets prissy and testy, but he’s acting like he’s got it all under control. There’s no indication that anything’s going on below the surface, except when the script makes him make wild emotional swings. Even this crap could be saved with some crazy over the top finale filled with bloodshed and creative offing of characters; however, the ending is shot in that fast cutting way that makes it impossible to follow what’s going on.
I feel cheated watching Secret Obsession. I did my part: I was in the right headspace to watch something stupid, and I like Brenda Song and Dennis Haysbert. About 45 minutes in, I even reset my priorities, just hoping for one interesting thing to happen. Alas, it was not meant to be. As far as entertainment goes, I can’t remember the last time a movie had no value at all. So thank you Secret Obsession! As far as short, crappy bars go, you’re the new low bar.