Dating apps will be a movie well that never ends. The true crime documentaries and swindling alone have already paid for Netflix subscriptions 10x over. It was only a matter of time before we got the dating apps social network. But it would appear Swiped only looked at the pictures before actually reading the profile.
Right out of college in 2012, Whitney Wolfe Herd (Lily James) is trying to pitch her latest idea at a tech startup. That fails miserably, but Sean Rad (Ben Schnetzer) likes her spunk. She’s a quick study on a pitch to a customer, so Sean makes Whitney Chief Marketing Officer of the Hub, a series of small startups vying to become the next big thing. Though Sean likes Cashify (an early version of EVERY restaurant app), Whitney, developer Tisha (Myha’la), and the rest of the Hub seem more stoked for an unnamed dating app idea for millennials. What’s the word for the starting fires of something? It’s right on the tip of my tongue.
I’m being more subtle than Swiped is. Rachel Lee Goldenberg has the right story to tell, just piss poor execution. Much like on Tinder, Whitney runs afoul of the male centric toxic work environment. A smarter movie would have tried to make the company more and more claustrophobic for Whitney, making it feel almost like a thriller. Instead, we get the worst boyfriend/CEO of all time Justin Mateen (Jackson White), and the most direct obnoxious chauvinist dialogue over and over again, with all the classic rebuttals. Like patriarchy bingo “Don’t get emotional.” “I can’t get involved.” “It’s not the right time.” and on and on. Plot mechanics drive everyone except Whitney: Sam is nice till he isn’t. Same for Badoo CEO Andrey Andreev (Dan Stevens, finding another accent to do), one of the “good guys.” Tisha would be interesting, but acts as if her whole existence revolves around only Whitney; the characteristic she’s given (drummer) we never see her do. And if you’re a dum dum and still not sure how to feel, the era appropriate pop songs are here for you: Whitney doesn’t care to Icono Pop, or gets lucky to Daft Punk. I officially laughed out loud when Tisha enters frat boy hell on her last day at work there, but more like the way a man holding a gun in a profile picture doesn’t know how silly and stupid that is.
It’s really too bad, because the bones of Whitney Wolfe Herd’s story are really exciting. Lily James did it again, picking a great movie premise wasted. She’s mostly solid here, but not given much to do even though the movie’s about her. I almost want a do over with the same cast, but a different take on the story. This should be a sports movie, where we root for the rise, fall, then rise again. Instead, I felt nothing for the glorified Wikipedia page of a film, left wondering what might have been.
I wanted to like Swiped, I really did. Unfortunately for Whitney, I have deleted all my dating apps. The feelings I get on there are the feelings being brought up watching this movie, not a great sign. Back out into the real world for me instead, or back to the true crime dating app docs, whatever’s best for you.