A 3 star movie is perfectly fine for most people. But that assumes the score range is 0 to 5. The floor for a Wes Anderson movie is 3/5 stars, because of how talented the guy is. This is my roundabout way to say The Phoenician Scheme is for the Wes die hards only. The rest of the movie goers are more likely to be disappointed by what they see. Maybe see Asteroid City again? That one’s grown on me over time.
The Phoenician Scheme is the latest grandest plan from industrialist Zsa-Zsa Korda (Benicio Del Toro). However, after yet another attempt to kill the man midair via plane crash, Korda decides he needs someone he trusts by his side. Of the 10 kids he has, he chooses not one of the 9 boys, but his daughter Liesl (Mia Threapleton), a devout Catholic nun, to be his sole heir. The two embark with the boys’ teacher and entomologist Bjorn Lund (Michael Cera). The scheme itself is threatened by government agents (Rupert Friend among them), who drive up the price of raw materials. This forces Korda to go shore up his partners commitments to the project, including half-brother Nubar (Benedict Cumberbatch), Prince Farouk (Riz Ahmed), Marseille Bob (Mathieu Almaric), and ship captain Marty (Jeffrey Wright).
Other than the truly shocking violence that happens at the beginning, The Phoenician Scheme becomes Wes Anderson Mad Libs and never leaves that space. We’ve got the symmetrical frames everywhere, soft palettes to ramp up the whimsy, cute set design, an innovative chapter marker. And that’s not even the cast, which has an unknown (Mia Threapleton, deadpan and fitting in fine, though Lea Seydoux must have had scheduling conflicts), an Anderson supporting player given a leading role (Benicio), and a vet actor Anderson newbie who feels like he’s been in his films for ages (Michael Cera), plus the bench of Andersonian acolytes ready for their 3 day shoot and deadpan likes like Tom Hanks, Riz Ahmed, Benedict Cumberbatch, Jeffrey Wright, and Scarlett Johansson. That much talent with Anderson’s sardonic wit gives us those wonderful highs the trailer points out: I was waiting for the assassin elevator sequence which is still funny everytime I see it. Cera brings the most to the table; I can’t wait for him to do more Wes turns, see what I did there?
Underneath all of the tweeness is usually a very lonely heart reaching out into the void. The Phoenician Scheme hopes the Korda/Liesl relationship really tugs at the heart strings, but it never gels into something really emotional. Turns out, an emotionless Anderson film can be, well, frankly, pretty boring. I almost dozed off a couple times, and it was pretty quiet for long stretches in my theater after a chuckle here and there. The scheme is annoyingly dense, and the chapters start to feel more like hindrances than propellants for the story. The convolution never ties itself up at the end, other that a symmetrical finale to the beginning which was too little too late. Maybe the key word wasn’t scheme, but Phoenician, indicating this story is a bit on the older side and needs a nap in the middle.
So, sorry Wes. This one wasn’t a banger. But I think 1/3 of Hollywood loves you, and will be there for their 3 day shoot whenever you need them. Get back to the emotional basics with the next one though please? Or, personally, how bout something animated, your real secret weapon, Mr. Fox.