How crazy would it be if a psychopathic killer wanted to turn a guy into a walrus? Kevin Smith was so invigorated by this podcast conversation that he decided to turn it into a feature film. But like most podcast ideas, Tusk is half formed. The central transformation is effective, but characters/story surrounding it are loose showcases of “comedy.” You’ll leave this movie a little icky not knowing who to recommend it to except die hard Kevin Smith fans or Human Centipede Fans.
Wallace Bryton (Justin Long), a podcaster (of course), goes to Canada to do a bit for his show, but the ploy falls through. Looking for ways to make the trip worthwhile, Bryton stumbles upon a note in a bar from a man named Howard Howe (Michael Parks) which says he has a lifetime of stories to tell about his seafaring travels. Bryton travels up to the secluded location to meet the man and is at first impressed; Howe’s stories are very interesting. However, Howe uses the storytelling to let the drug placed in Bryton’s tea to kick in, and soon reveals his plans to Wallace about his walrus creation motives. Wallace manages to get a call out to his girlfriend Ally (Genesis Rodriguez) and friend Teddy (Haley Joel Osment) about his predicament, and the two rush out to find him before something horrible happens.
Tusk would actually make a great short film. The central story of Wallace and Howard Howe is fun and sometimes compelling. Michael Parks is deliciously over the top, channeling John Hurt and projecting out like a visionary. Parks sells his stories with aplomb in a giant opulent old mansion. Long is game with enthusiasm, and really sells the horror of the situation. Long’s scenes with Genesis Rodriguez are kinda cute and nicely set up their relationship. Long’s transformation is a grotesque experience: the squeamish might not be able to take it. Smith wants to have fun while he shocks you, and when Michael Parks is involved, Tusk is kinda fun and extremely creepy.
This is also a full length feature, meaning Tusk needs padding. Tusk’s filler sucks. Director Smith probably realized he didn’t have enough material, so he half-assed these stories, thus taking away from the creepy central podcast creation. There are cheap jabs at how nice Canadians are and a subplot about infidelity that goes nowhere. A famous actor has an extended cameo as a cop searching for Howe. As repulsed as I was at the walrus transformation, these cop scenes filled me with disgust and boredom. The actor dons a cheap accent and cross eyes so we can laugh at how stupid he is while Ally and Teddy just want to get information to save their friend: it is a classic case study of tonal misunderstanding. The scene also inexplicably goes on for at least 15 minutes when it could have been just a fun one off cameo.
Tusk left me queasy and angry. I suppose I can tolerate the queasy part since that is sort of Tusk’s point. But Kevin Smith has shown himself to be a talented writer, and Tusk’s writing is lazy and borderline offensive. Kevin Smith is beloved by his loyal fans, I suggest he stick to podcasting and maybe turning those podcasts into short films. Maybe he’s just become disengaged because of Blockbuster Video and other movie rental stores closing. I mean, where are Dante and Randal going to debate Star Wars and Lord of the Rings as Trilogies now?