Family dramas or comedies walk a very thin line. They can very easily become melodramatic, or boorishly broad and funny: a wacky aunt! a truth telling granny! Rarely does a movie get a family story exactly right. So props to Awkwafina, Lulu Wang, and The Farewell, because this is about as good of a family drama as their can be.
Billi (Awkwafina) is a Chinese American girl who moved to New York from China when she was a kid. One day at a family dinner Billi’s mom (Diana Lin) and dad (Tzi Ma) tell Billi that her grandma, her Nai Nai (Shuzen Zhao) is dying from lung cancer. More crazily to Billi, the family has also decided to not tell Nai Nai about her sickness, instead staging a family wedding so everyone can say goodbye to their beloved matriarch. Billi, sad and incredulous, forces her way onto the trip back to China to go to this “wedding,” so she can say goodbye to Nai Nai and in her mind right this family lie that is about to be told.
In The Farewell, I can see all the moviemaking traps. Writer/Director Lulu Wang could have easily made this movie a comedy of errors completely mocking these sad people barely keeping the facade in front of Nai Nai. Conversely, I can also see the maudlin family get together, where over the top family grudges threaten to swallow the movie whole. Part of the magic of The Farewell is how Wang finds the exact right note. The movie is grounded in cultural exchanges between the East and the West. Forming the base of the story is a surprisingly light comedic touch and ubiquitous familiarity. The chuckles rise up organically from Lulu’s story she’s telling: she executes this by delivering the movie from Awkwafina’s American perspective re assimilating into Eastern traditions. This family has not been together for years, so reconnecting was always going to be a little strange. Audiences everywhere will find something grounded and relatable in the family conversations: grandma delivering back handed compliments, young kids buried into their phones, strange cultural customs inherently a little silly.
That base of chuckles will put you in a good mood, and prepare you for the complex conversation at the center of the movie: what does the family do with Nai Nai? Rarely does a conflict have two compelling points of view, but The Farewell is the rare film that has an argument where you can see both sides. Western thought makes Billi want to tell Nai Nai the truth. Lies keep a person from their true identity, and in this case, keep Nai Nai from understanding who she is so she can get that personal catharsis of completing whatever life goals she has for herself. The family counters with an Eastern idea. With Nai Nai’s health deteriorating, the burden of that pain is to be born by the family on the behalf of their beloved mother, taking her pain on as her own, so she can die in peace. Wang slowly builds us to this big conversation, by having truly compelling dinners where the disparate family members talk about Eastern and Western cultural differences in many contexts: education of children, honoring a dead relative, moving away from home, how to deal with your emotions, etc. Each conversation drips with grounded, fascinating drama that unveils multitudes under each character in the movie, especially Awkwafina’s Billi. The charismatic comedian usually wins the audience over with an affable charm or great facial expression. Here, Awkwafina is captivating in a quieter, but just as powerful way: as a woman caught between worlds, trying to decide for herself what the correct path will be for her and her Nai Nai, and how much emotion is the right amount of emotion to convey.
Each person in the audience will find something to relate to in The Farewell. You’ll laugh, you’ll probably cry a little, but most of all you’ll just feel satisfied. It’s hard to say exactly why you’ll be satisfied, but Lulu Wang and Awkwafina’s impressive talents probably have something to do with it. The Farewell will make you wanna give your Nan, or Nana, or Gramps a call and make sure they’re doing ok. Prepare for those backhanded compliments…