When people hear the phrase “illegal immigration” most people laser in on the “illegal” part. That word elicits connotations of evil robbers and terrifying criminals coming across the border pillaging and plundering households as they go. Fortunately, the last few years have seen more focus on the “immigrant” side of the story, focusing on the personal story most. I Carry You With Me is a lovely tale showcasing the immigrant tale, with some LGBTQ related wrinkles resulting in that wonderful sweet spot: a totally specific yet ubiquitous tale of the complicated subject that is immigration.
What’s being carried starts in 1990s Puebla, Mexico. Ivan (Armando Espitia), is mostly your typical young man, struggling to make ends meet. He lives in a tiny apartment at a job he can’t get ahead in, trying to make money for a son and divorced wife he doesn’t see enough. On top of that, he is also gay in a place and time that’s not ready for people like him. One night, in the underground LGBTQ scene in his town, he becomes smitten with Gerardo (Christian Vazquez). The two strike up a relationship they both want, but have to keep it as secret as possible, or risk even the little lives they’re happy with come crashing down, leaving them only risky options.
The first half of I Carry You With Me gives us an idea of what Ivan and Gerardo are carrying with them. The title obviously implies lots of important people, and for sure that’s the case. We get glimpses into both of their lives: Ivan, though estranged from the mother of his child, still carries feelings for her, and goes the extra mile for his kid more than a few times. He’s got a great BFF, Sandra (Michelle Rodriguez, no not the F9 one), who encourages Ivan to be his true self, ever since he was a kid. Ivan also carries frustration and resentment: he repeatedly is passed over for a chance to be a cook, condescendingly because he “has to wait his turn.” He also gets no support from his parents for who he is, and his ex is all too happy to use his sexual orientation to gain custody over Ivan’s son. It’s not just Ivan, though; we also learn a little about Gerardo too. He’s got more of a safety net than Ivan (family owns property, and his mom is supportive of him), but his dad is all kinds of abusive. But the most important thing they carry during this time is their sweet romance with one another. Director Heidi Ewing shoots all of these scenes in close up with blurry backgrounds, giving the audience the feeling you’re living inside Ivan and Gerardo’s little dream.
But from from the way I described this, you know dreams end when people wake up. I Carry You With Me doesn’t end when the dream ends though, it just gets more interesting. The movie pivots from a story about forbidden love to a story about immigration. One of our characters makes the decision to leave, telling the other they’ll be back in a year. What that character doesn’t realize is that migrating to a place that has opportunities means that a year in those opportunities sprout into roots for yourself, making it harder to go back. We then see a tug of war between the past and the present for our characters, with their current lives economically and even a little emotionally thriving because they can be who they really are, but they also are constantly dwelling on the people they left behind, as time goes on, with more rose colored glasses. It is a life portrayed as simultaneously freeing and guilt ridden, and every day is a decision between which part dominates your emotional state. And due to the complications between the US and Mexico, it’s basically impossible to try to come over legally, making any immigration decision irreversible, meaning you’ll never fully reconnect with your past unless you give up the roots you’ve created in the present. Ewing presents this half of the story as the emotional roller coaster that it is, where the highs are so, so high but the lows make you question everything about yourself, giving us a full glimpse of a life between two worlds that can never meet, tragic and beautiful in equal measure.
After meeting the people behind the “illegal immigrant” label in I Carry You With Me, I don’t know how you can feel anything but deep empathy for anyone brave enough to take this perilous journey. Even if you get over the danger parts, it takes a true hero to overcome the emotional wreckage an immigrant has to live with daily. I encourage all of you to look for the Ivans and Gerardos in your life, and that this lovely film can help you understand a little of what might be going on in their hearts all day everyday.