Movies about first world problems are always tough to review. It’s clear to the filmmaker that the trials and tribulations their characters went through are fraught with conflict and pain, but the perspective is so askew that it’s hard to relate to/take those emotions seriously. Thankfully, Private Life ascends above its privileged story by grounding it in relatable emotional honesty and well executed scenes of a struggling but real marriage.
Rachel (Kathryn Hahn) and Richard (Paul Giamatti) simply put, want to have a baby. However, sadly, both have aged out of their baby making days, and cannot create one the normal way. So, they’ve opened up to trying all other methods of getting a child: adoption, in vitro fertilization, etc. However, all those methods are starting to take their toll, either monetarily or emotionally. With nowhere else to turn, Rachel and Richard ask their unfocused niece Sadie (Kayli Carter) to give her eggs up so the couple can have a kid. Obviously, this is going to create an awkward conversation with Sadie’s parents and the couple’s brother/sister, Charlie (John Carroll Lynch) and Cynthia (Molly Shannon).
I’m sure the selling point in the pitch meeting for Private Life was the quasi incestuous baby carrying story. However, ironically, that’s probably the least interesting part of Private Life, resorting to mostly forced conflict and lots of body shaming of poor Sadie. Writer/director Tamara Jenkins is very perceptive and emotionally potent in capturing the struggles of being a couple during a time of extreme stress. The burden of producing a child has become an all consuming obsession for Richard and Rachel. Jenkins smartly shows them in the less stressful times and how well they are in tune with each other, so we can see their baby induced word sniping at one another is simply a product of their situation. At the same time, Jenkins does a great job showing how all-draining the process has become for the moribund couple, both physically (with all the drugs you have to take) and emotionally (a heartbreaking adoption past). Having a baby has become a full time job on top of Rachel and Richard’s lives, and Jenkins slyly shows us how their marriage has basically been put on hold until this task is done, which wreaks subtle but powerful angst on their marriage.
When the arrestedly developed Sadie enters the picture, she presents a new set of issues for Richard and Rachel: since Sadie is basically a lost soul who wants to be AWAY from her real parents, the young woman is basically a real life audition for Richard and Rachel’s chances to test out their parenting skills. Thankfully, they seem to be pretty good at this! Richard and Rachel are both patient and considerate of this girl and her lack of direction, coaxing any passions she has while she helps them out by trying to give the couple a kid. When she makes some mistakes, they don’t overreact, they just try to help Sadie understand why what she did was wrong. And when unkind, body shaming doctors yell at Sadie, Rachel/Richard act as pissed as any parent would, lashing out at the guy for his callousness. They also involve Sadie’s real parents when things could potentially get bad, learning from the couple things maybe they weren’t ready for. The ending is pretty ambiguous on if Richard and Rachel will have a family, but, in a smart, understated scene, we know that the perspective change Sadie imparted on them means that they’re going to be ok even if things don’t work out. The success of Private Life is thanks to Tamara Jenkins’s writing and the stellar work from Paul Giamatti and Kathryn Hahn, creating a completely believable honest couple that work together to get through their stuff, using their years of trust to get through the tough times in hopes of greener pastures.
Private Life is probably not going to garner any flashy attention since it’s not starring Lady Gaga or Bradley Cooper, but it might have longer legs because of how well written and acted it is. One group that probably will NOT be happy about Private Life’s success: family advocates. Though the people working for adoption agencies are nice, Private Life sure makes it seem like you’re setting your heart up to be ripped out of your chest, and the doctors in fertilization clinics come across at times like unfeeling monsters. Ouch…