If you ask Nintendo who they made this movie for there’s probably two demographics: 8 year old kids, and their 35 to 50 year old parents. Ipso Facto, I’m right in the nostalgia demo. I don’t remember a lot of my birthday gifts, but I’ll never forget the NES system I received in 1993, forever altering the direction of my life as I lay waste to Gumbas and turtles. If you’re not in one of those two demos though, 90 minutes are better spent napping.
In this kid friendly version (not the child horrifying 1993 one), Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day) live in Brooklyn with their very big, very Italian stereotype of a family. Trying to build a successful plumbing business, the brothers wander into the sewers and discover an open green pipe. A pipe that sucks them into the Mushroom Kingdom, run by Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy). They soon learn that the Kingdom is about to be invaded by Bowser (Jack Black) the evil ruler who’s found a weapon to make him indestructible…at least for a period of time. Dun dun dun dun dun dun…
For the kids, this movie checks the basic boxes to get em in & out. You’ve got your classic animated adventure, where heroes travel to new lands, to meet new heroes or villains, who join in. The quest works like a game itself: there’s an item to get, from a level you have to beat like in a video game. To get from location to location, the movie weaves in various Mario-based video games that kids will pick up on, especially during the Rainbow Road sequence. There’s no time for character development (except for Bowser, the movie’s best “daring” choice), but come on, it’s a him, Mario! He’s basically got just a mustache and Italian accent anyways. And exactly 90 minutes later, parents will be leaving, with their kids asking to play Nintendo all the way home. As far as 90 minute commercials go, The Super Mario Bros. Movie is a perfectly fine one.
And that could be helped because I was completely ready for the nostalgia the movie was going to bombard me with. The story is bare bones I think so the Nintendo producers can power up the movie with as many references to their games as humanly possible with the little non moving plot time. The best example is the best part of the movie, Brian Tyler’s honestly great score, weaving in those amazing Mario beats into the movie without hammering us over the head with a Turtle shell. Most have correctly pointed out the rest of the movie is the Leo DiCaprio meme pointing at the screen, which for 90s kids like me, was at least fleetingly delightful and thankfully constant to keep me distracted. The movie doubles down on each reference by also calling it out (a turtle wearing a blue shell in a giant killer vehicle is clever to the Mario Kart lovers; that same turtle shouting “BLUE SHELL!!!!”…. eye rolley) so you don’t miss anything. I would’ve been more annoyed if I hadn’t semi-drifted off a few times and heard a reference to refocus on the screen. Again though, if you don’t play or have a kid that plays Mario video games, you’re gonna get yelled at when you pull your phone out sometime in the first 45 minutes out of boredom/habit.
I applaud you if you happened to get to the end of this review for The Super Mario Bros. Movie. I tried to make it clear right away if this movie would be for you or not. And I’ll put it this way, if you are still undecided by the end of this review, the movie is probably not for you. Just stay home or go to a friends house who has a Nintendo system to start building your Mario backstory when The Super Smash Bros. Movie wins Best Original Screenplay at the Oscars in 2032.