Yes, sadly, it appears to be closing time for this weird, toxic relationship Tom Hardy has to a CGI character he voices himself. Venom: The Last Dance does its best to sail our dynamic duo out into the Hudson River, hopefully to see the Statue of Liberty together. As you can see by the star rating, this film isn’t good, but it isn’t the Madame Web like disaster it could’ve been. It’s just…strange and frustrating…and I don’t think Venom and Eddie Brock (Hardy) would have it any other way.
After the cameo in No Way Home, Eddie Brock gets sent back to his universe, hiding and drinking in Mexico with his symbiote pal. Unfortunately, due to events from the first two Venom films, Eddie’s death/resurrection has put a motherbox, I mean, cortex inside of him, which this latent, super being (Andy Serkis) needs to resurrect itself. Sensing this thing when Eddie’s “full Venom”, a bunch of CGI monsters show up to try to get this codex to awaken their master, forcing Eddie on the run, and into the hands of all sorts of people like hippie couples (Rhys Ifans and Alanna Ubach), scientists (Juno Temple and Clack Backo) and of course, surly military men (Chiwetel Ejiofor), hoping to evade capture from all of them before either Eddie or Venom bit the bullet, figuratively of course.
First time Director/writer Kelly Marcel (she made 50 Shades of Grey watchable) at least gets the bit. While trying to make a coherent narrative out of The Last Dance, she makes sure most of the movie is spent on an Easy Rider like road trip across America with Tom Hardy talking to a CGI version of himself. This trilogy’s at its best when the two are bickering and Tom Hardy acts like he’s schizophrenic to anyone who doesn’t know his secret. While there’s supposed to be an exciting fun, climactic battle, none of that is what works in these movies, and in this one, the most fun scenes are one in a Vegas hotel and one fighting in a river as Venom jumps from being to being to after becoming separated from Eddie. And for what it’s worth, some people will think the final ending is stupid, but I think Marcel knows what she’s doing, and its really meant to be a hysterical send up of movie codas if you can get on her wavelength. Thankfully, without spoiling, Venom does get a last dance.
The problem is, Venom’s road trip is about half of the run time. The other half is spent mired in symbiote lore. None of these characters matter, and none of them are really given anything interesting to do as the movie bullrushes to its conclusion. I can feel Chiwetel Ejiofor thinking about his next directorial effort he can now front the cash for, or Rhys Ifans finally getting to take that road trip to Roswell he’s always wanted to do. If the movie had simply cut ALL of the super being stuff, and just been a road trip of Eddie/Venom evading the government, while bumping into a bunch of these people, that’s a simpler movie that would completely work in Venomworld. But Marvel forces overwhelmed Kelly Marcel, and she had to give in unfortunately, stuck with a bunch of dour complexioned people and teases for movies and characters that we’ll probably never see again, and frankly, no one except super super die hards really care about.
But at least we danced. I personally can’t wait for superhero best of lists latter, and someone putting Eddie and Venom on a “Best BFF’s” list, or some super weirdo making his fan art of the two of them romantically involved with each other which we almost got once. Most of all, I can’t wait for a thorough dissection of Tom Hardy’s career, and some Hollywood historian trying to place these Venom movies in context, maybe the funniest conversation of all, and the memories bring back, memories bring back you, Venom!