Ocean’s 8 destiny, just like Ocean’s Eleven’s destiny, is that 3 AM a little drunk with friends, not tired, but bored Cable TV watch or Netflix stream. The movie is pretty much what you expect: a fun hang with some really talented people that’s trying to copy the movie that nearly perfected that concept. Ocean’s 8 is a tad too smug and not quite as clever as it thinks it is, but damn if you’re not breezily enjoying watching Rhianna, Mindy Kaling, and Sandra Bullock have a conversation in fabulous dresses at the Met Gala.
Danny Ocean’s sister, Debbie (Sandra Bullock) has just been released from prison, having missed her brother’s death because she was sold out by her boyfriend Claude Becker (Richard Armitage). After 5+ years in the joint, Debbie has concocted what she thinks is the perfect con – stealing a famous diamond necklace at the Met Gala, and needs 7 people to do it. She starts with her best friend Lou (Cate Blanchett), who not only is in but gives her a house to live in. A hacker (Rhianna) and pickpocket (Awkwafina) are clearly going to be musts. The rest of the team fits the specific jewel heist: a smart infiltrator masquerading as a suburbanite (Sarah Paulson), a jewel expert (Mindy Kaling), and finally, a dress designer (Helena Bonhamn Carter). The dress designer is needed to get that necklace out of storage and around the neck of super celeb Daphne Kruger (Anne Hathaway) so the team can extract it. Because Debbie concocted the plan, there’s also a strong chance that Claude might end up at this dinner.
Ocean’s 8 is at its best when it’s about these awesome ladies and giving them the time to just spend time together. All of them are probably deliberately playing against type. If I were casting, Blanchett would have been Deborah and Bullock would have been Lou based on the role descriptions. Bullock isn’t terrible playing restrained, but Blanchett is having a blast as a swindling New York club owner (WHAT????) just chilling and living the good life. It’s very amusing watching Mindy Kaling pretend she doesn’t know what Tinder is or singers play con artist tech geniuses. The combinations and unusual pairings usually result in the best moments. Watching Helena Bonham Carter try not to react to Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett blowing bubble machines outside a window emtionless while Anne Hathaway grows more impatient is pure comedy gold, as is Kaling and Carter describing a dress makers “process” to get a visual image of the necklace. When the heist takes center stage, the movie makes it clear these ladies are perfectly in control, and gives them each a killer dress to look amazing in while they steal the money. The MVP is Hathaway, who just skewers the version of her the press has made up, equally appallingly bitchy and cripplingly emotional, generating most of the movie’s biggest laughs.
Part of me almost wishes this movie had a different title, because tying it to the Ocean’s franchise means it has to follow the beats and rhythms set up for those films, which had a COMPLETELY different cast. By forcing Bullock into the George Clooney role, you’re basically neutering many of the reasons she’s a talented actress. The heist is strange too; after Bullock and Blanchett put the team together, they kinda disappear into background and let the plot take over to keep the story moving, as if director Gary Ross was like, “Ya know what people loved most about those Ocean’s movies? The heist!” As a result, we get not enough time with these talented ladies to just riff with each other, and let the plot just run the show for too long. Even in the first Ocean’s film, the actors all got some great moments to shine throughout the heist, and here, its…Sandra Bullock in a German accent? Just…strange. There’s some great commentary at the beginning about how important it is to use women’s invisibility to their advantage, but that really never comes back up in a real way. A perfect ending to this film would be a series of men as suspects under John Frazier’s (James Corden) investigation into the theft, but Ocean’s 8 makes it more about a revenge story and the message becomes more muddled.
Seeing Ocean’s 8 on the big screen was perfectly fine and nice. But I’m guaranteeing this now: the whole world will see this movie at some point. It’s too fun to be ignored, and can fit any occasion: great date movie, drinking and chatting movie, bored with nothing to do movie, you name it. Perhaps that’s Ocean’s 8’s greatest heist of all, that it will steal some time from you in its lifetime. Anne Hathaway will make sure of it…