Gracious Liam Neeson. He’s gracefully aged himself out of the winter action movie thriller, ceding the mantle to a beekeeper. Turns out he’s a selfless guy as well. Before putting himself in Cold Storage, we see the big man try to rub off some of that charm and charisma to the new generation. And who better than the Barbarian queen and the Stranger Things Djboyfriend?
In Cold Storage is a fungus from outerspace, that will basically take over your brain and make you throw up to multiply itself and spread, VERY rapidly. Normally, we wouldn’t have a problem, but government budget cuts see the Kansas facility sold off to a, well, normal self storage facility looked after by overnight crew Teacake (Joe Keery) and Naomi (Georgina Campbell). Plus, global warming has heated up the facility so the resilient fungus escapes, and wants back out into the world. Emergency call goes from military official “Abagail” (Ellora Torchia) to semi retired field agent Robert Quinn (Liam Neeson) and his work wife Trini Romano (Leslie Manville), who quickly dive back in, trying to convince everyone just how serious this matter is.
Legendary writer David Koepp adapts his own story, a flex only someone like him can pull off. It’s nice to see him having fun here, going for a B movie vibe like the Blob. What’s the first creature an alien fungus will find dark underground in a storage facility? I hope you were ready for rat colonies and cockroach transmission. Ewww. The gross effects make this particularly silly, as these pustules of infected humans or rat kings (a real thing!) find ickier and ickier ways to spread the fungus from one person to another. But Koepp makes the mind control element a nice touch to give the movie a bit of The Thing vibe where the unsuspecting Teacake and Naomi don’t know if they can trust any late night visitors like Ma Rooney (Vanessa Redgrave) or the night manager Griffin (Gavin Spokes). Throw in a biker gang, sentient deer, stolen TVs, and reincarnated cats, and David Koepp has a giant fun gross mess on his hands to poke fun at bioengineering and government incompetence, as well as power mongers like Self Storage facility night managers just enough to make the movie just a little more than your forgettable lark.
I wonder if Koepp had any say in the casting here. The movie feels like it was written for Joe Keery and Georgina Campbell. Both actors have big breakouts exploring giant conspiratorial places under a seemingly normal looking town, so might as well run it back in a new type of building right? Campbell is plucky as ever, the driver of the story like in Barbarian, though written much less interesting. Joe Keery proves his skills transition to adults from children well enough, making great wisecracks about the ludicrous predicament he finds himself in. Neeson is the glue here though, making sure the two ends of the story piece together nicely. He finds the perfect mixture of being funny and direct, but then serious when the movie needs him to be to motivate someone to do something, and makes a great pair with Leslie Manville. Surrounding them are a nice mix of character actors who know the movie they’re in, dialing it up to drive home Cold Storage’s points as the movie reaches its end.
And if you’re gonna send Liam Neeson off, I’m glad he got sent off with a literal bang. Props to Cold Storage for really going for B movie insanity, and mostly sticking the landing. And giving me nightmares about rat kings and if there’s one anywhere near my vicinity.