Bigger is always better for sequels right? The first Super Mario Brothers was about two plumbers, a portal, a princess and a kingdom, and Bowser’s unrequited love. But that movie only made a billion dollars. If you want to make a trillion dollars, you have to go to the galaxy, add more princesses, multiple dinosaurs, and a Star Fox. So is Super Mario Galaxy Movie better? Even with the low bar of the first, um, hell no. Just play the games instead kids. You’ll at least learn hand eye coordination doing that.
There’s not much to say for the plot summary. Princess Peach (Anya Taylor-Joy) is happily ruling the Toad kingdom with Mario (Chris Pratt) and Luigi (Charlie Day), having imprisoned and shrunk Bowser (Jack Black) so he can recover and paint his feelings. A yellow Luma star comes crashing to their galaxy, asking for Peach’s help. Faraway, another princess, Rosalita (Brie Larson) has been captured by Bowser Jr. (Benny Safdie), so he can use her powers to destroy other planets/galaxies and get his dad back.
Let’s get this straight: The Super Mario Brothers Galaxy Movie doesn’t deserve the last word in its title. This is not a movie. A movie means you take even a little time to develop a story, characters, and a plot. Galaxy decides all of that is pointless. It serves instead nostalgia bait for adults, bright shiny CGI, princesses, and anthropomorphic animals for kids. There’s NO time for conflict whatsoever. Peach, Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Yoshi, all go off on separate missions, there’s some sort of chase or battle, and then we simply move on and go to something else. Does Mario have to resolve his deep distrust of Bowser and vice-versa? Does Princess Peach have to grapple with her revelations about who she is? Do Yoshi or Luigi have to be in this movie at all? The writers/directors decide that stuff gets in the way of spectacle, forgetting that great movie memories aren’t made on spectacle alone: even Michael Bay has cheesy lessons his characters learn in his stupid films. And to subject kids to this lessonless candy high of a “movie” paints a bleak picture for the future of animated movies cause of how much money this is gonna make on nostalgia and vibes.
But if none of that matters to you, have at The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. There’s 3 mildly interesting things in here. There’s a puppet show that mixes up the animation style, to give something interesting. Peach has a cool fight in casino land messing with gravity and perspective. And my personal favorite nostalgia bait was how they got OG Mario Brothers sequences into the movie in the third act. But even that made me mad, cause that was cleverly constructed…a cleverness unused anywhere else in the movie where basic rules of filmmaking needed it.
So millennial and gen z gamers with kids, have fun explaining why that sound is cool. And enjoying watching your kids lose it when they see Rosalita or Star Fox. Hope those 8 seconds of bliss last you outside the theater; my guess is the kids will forget the movie the minute they get a chance to play literally anything else.